why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
