How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
