I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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