I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
