I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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