So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
