his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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