my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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