Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The air was thick with penises
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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