She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
