im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
