best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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