Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
