Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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