i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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