Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize