you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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