so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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