ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
