yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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