yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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