so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
