Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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