my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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