Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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