yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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