Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
