That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
