We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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