alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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