you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
