I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
