What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
