Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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