that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
