what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
