Tell her she can't have a vagina
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize