I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
