woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
