I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
