Small penises have feelings too.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Randomize
