Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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