i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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