the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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