He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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