Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Randomize
