I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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