I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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