I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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