Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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