32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
