So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to calm my uterus...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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