Me too!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
