My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
