She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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