I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
