I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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