Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
