So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
