I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
