hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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