i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize