Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize