he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
