8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
