so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
