I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
