1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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