I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Im part way to drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
