Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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