The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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