oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Green mimosas i think yes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
