There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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