well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize