Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
