he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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